Facing Caregiving Burnout. . . . Permission Granted

Literally one day my husband’s leg “gave out.” We went to eight doctors who could not find out why he had such agonizing pain that turned into an inability to even walk! Overnight I was thrust into a caregiver’s life and my active, lively, can-do husband was almost bed bound. We were frightened, scared and completely thrown off balance. So was our life!

We were lucky. After almost a year, he can at least walk and is back to being able to do much of what he used to do. But it was a long journey not only for him, but for me – his primary caregiver. I have never been so exhausted! Never!

It is estimated by AARP that 6 in 10 family caregivers also have a job outside the home. About 50 million Americans care for a spouse, parent or loved one. And like me, a lot of them were “suddenly” thrown in to a caregiver status without much preparation. This can turn your world upside down! Burnout is just waiting to happen. But it won’t happen to you, right? You love your spouse (or parent or loved one), right? You are the exception to the rule, right?

Wrong!

I’m going to make some suggestions that will sound selfish for the caregiver. But trust me, they are not!

It is estimated that 6 in 10 family caregivers have a job outside the home.

You know how on a plane you are told to put on your mask first before you put one on your child in case of an emergency? The same holds true for caregiver’s burnout. Don’t let your burnout become a flame out! Take care of yourself first. By that I mean:

• Give yourself a break. When friend and family members ask, “what can I do,” tell them! Ask them to bring a meal, come sit for an hour with your loved one so you can go for a much-needed walk in the park. Let them pick up groceries or buy you a massage. Or take your loved one for a drive if appropriate.

• Eat right. Yes, this includes the veggies and fruits we all know to eat, but also a delicious piece (or two) of dark chocolate and yes, even a glass of wine when appropriate.

• Exercise….alone! The peace and quiet is exquisite. Or go to a yoga class with a friend. Get a manicure.

• Take a few days, yes, DAYS, off! Call upon your siblings, your adult children, a trusted friend or hire someone and get away. Maybe it is only 24 hours but the “away time” will do you wonders. You have permission!

The job of a caregiver, even part-time, let alone full time, is a loving gesture but let’s be honest…it is a thankless job most of the time. Have you planned for this occasion? Do you have funds set aside “just in case?” Do you have a support system in place? Most of us don’t. Maybe you want to give that some thought?